Story time with Ric, part 1
I was recently asked, "who is this Liz girl that you never even really dated and yet yearn for?" Well, that requires a bit of backstory.
Liz and I met in September of 2004. Five months had passed since graduation and I had finally begun to recoup some of my "Self" so to speak. There was still a very long way left to go on that, though, so the fall of 2004 was not the best time to try to meet women. 2004 being one of the worst years of my life, things didn't start to really look up until mid-2005.
Liz and I met at a temp job I had for about four weeks from mid-September to mid-October. This was at a local high school in their Community Ed office; Liz was a relatively recent hire, and I was set to temporarily replace one of the two other people in the office. The third person in the office was only there two days out of the week, so most of the time it was just Liz and me.
Liz and I had a very good working relationship; since she had only been there a couple weeks longer than I, we learned a lot of the office basics together and had good repoire. I introduced her to Sweet Potato chips, she helped pull me out of my shell a little bit. We got along great, but there were certain things between us that made me figure we wouldn't work out as a couple. I was hung up on the idea of not dating someone two years older than I, and there were a couple of political differences that didn't work for me (she once told me that she didn't feel most people were capable of making their own decisions, something I am vehemently against). We did exchange contact info, though, so it was possible we might actually maintain a friendship after my assignment ended.
I didn't think anything would happen, honestly, after the assignment ended because I've exchanged contact info with other people I've worked with, and haven't talked to almost any of them since my last day. Imagine my surprise when, about three weeks after my last day of work, I saw an email from Liz in my inbox.
We exchanged another couple emails, then she fell off the radar again. I didn't think much of it because of prior experience, but when she called me in January (2005) I didn't know what to think. I couldn't take the call at the time (I was in Prague for New Year's and she called around 3:30 am Czech time), but made a point of calling as soon as I got off the plane in Minneapolis. She never answered. O...k...well, I'll just call it a fluke.
A few weeks later I got short-notice free tickets to the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra (Mozart's unfinished Mass in C; actually really good seats--worth $45 each), and everyone I called to invite was either out of town or already had plans. Since everyone else was either gone or busy, I decided to give Liz a call. Miracle of miracles, Liz said she might be able to go if she wasn't working her second job (part-time waitress at one of the local bars), and would call me to let me know.
She never called. I ended up going to the concert alone, which was a pity because the seats were great, the music spectacular (a friend of mine was in the choir, even), and I had practically the entire row to myself.
I don't take kindly to being blown off; after the concert, I deleted Liz from my phone. Unfortunately, it wasn't so easy to delete her from my memory. Every so often I'd wonder what the hell happened to make her blow me off; she never struck me as the type when we worked together.
Early in June, I was shuffling through some papers and came across Liz's number on a post-it note. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to call her; I just had to know what happened. (She eventually told me that she'd been on-again-off-again seeing someone at that time, apparently in the off-again mode, but her "boyfriend" wasn't too happy with the idea of her going to a concert with another guy. So much for just going out as friends.)
We had a few phone conversations and finally got together for coffee in mid-July. Before we met up, I was inclined not to be too upset if things didn't work out; after I saw her in the coffee shop, I completely forgot all about what had happened. She was just too...for lack of a better word, hot.
Looking back on that evening, knowing what I know to do now, there are a lot of things I screwed up. I would do a lot differently if I had the evening to do over again (for one thing, no way would I go in a t-shirt and jeans no matter how hot and muggy the weather), but in spite of the disaster of that "date" we managed to maintain a bit of a friendship even if we didn't talk often. We eventually lost contact, at least for a little while.
Back in April (2006), Liz called me out of the blue after an apparently bad date. We talked quite a bit more often for about three months after that, to the point where I kept inviting her out to go dancing, but she never showed. Not once. I lost count of how many times she canceled on me (she said it wasn't personal; she just had an exceptionally demanding job--which was true, actually). By June, I made a point of asking when she'd actually be available. The last time she canceled, it was via text message around midnight the night before we were supposed to meet.
Liz and I haven't spoken since early July, and that was via voicemail. I've since deleted her from my phone again (though sadly I still remember her number; yeah, figure that out, I don't remember my best friends' numbers, people I talk to frequently), but for whatever reason I get the occasional reminder and unbidden thoughts pop into my head.
It's kinda bothersome. After all of the up and down between us from early April to the end of June, one would think I wouldn't think of her. I do wish that I'd met her now rather than two years ago, mainly because my outlook on life is so much better now than it was then (which I would like to think is more attractive). That said, I can't believe she'd be much different; why put myself in a situation to open myself up to getting hurt?
Actually, I think I might have already answered that. For one thing, she certainly is "unbelievably good-looking" by most standards (and I would be lying if I said I didn't like the idea of that kind of arm ornament); for another, she's extremely intelligent and astute (3.8-3.9 ugpa, 170-odd lsat score), which makes her even more attractive. And for another, I feel like I didn't present my best side and it's possible we could have made a decent couple (we certainly did manage to maintain a friendly relationship for most of two years of phone and email conversations). It would have been nice to have gotten a kiss from her at the very least.
Maybe enough time and distance will put her out of my thoughts for good. It's clear nothing is ever going to happen between us, and I'm inclined to move forward rather than stay stuck in the past. Here's hoping for one or more of the out-of-Minnesota applications to come back positive. Hopefully the thoughts of her won't follow.
(Edit: Ha! This entry only took a little over three hours to write...)
Liz and I met in September of 2004. Five months had passed since graduation and I had finally begun to recoup some of my "Self" so to speak. There was still a very long way left to go on that, though, so the fall of 2004 was not the best time to try to meet women. 2004 being one of the worst years of my life, things didn't start to really look up until mid-2005.
Liz and I met at a temp job I had for about four weeks from mid-September to mid-October. This was at a local high school in their Community Ed office; Liz was a relatively recent hire, and I was set to temporarily replace one of the two other people in the office. The third person in the office was only there two days out of the week, so most of the time it was just Liz and me.
Liz and I had a very good working relationship; since she had only been there a couple weeks longer than I, we learned a lot of the office basics together and had good repoire. I introduced her to Sweet Potato chips, she helped pull me out of my shell a little bit. We got along great, but there were certain things between us that made me figure we wouldn't work out as a couple. I was hung up on the idea of not dating someone two years older than I, and there were a couple of political differences that didn't work for me (she once told me that she didn't feel most people were capable of making their own decisions, something I am vehemently against). We did exchange contact info, though, so it was possible we might actually maintain a friendship after my assignment ended.
I didn't think anything would happen, honestly, after the assignment ended because I've exchanged contact info with other people I've worked with, and haven't talked to almost any of them since my last day. Imagine my surprise when, about three weeks after my last day of work, I saw an email from Liz in my inbox.
We exchanged another couple emails, then she fell off the radar again. I didn't think much of it because of prior experience, but when she called me in January (2005) I didn't know what to think. I couldn't take the call at the time (I was in Prague for New Year's and she called around 3:30 am Czech time), but made a point of calling as soon as I got off the plane in Minneapolis. She never answered. O...k...well, I'll just call it a fluke.
A few weeks later I got short-notice free tickets to the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra (Mozart's unfinished Mass in C; actually really good seats--worth $45 each), and everyone I called to invite was either out of town or already had plans. Since everyone else was either gone or busy, I decided to give Liz a call. Miracle of miracles, Liz said she might be able to go if she wasn't working her second job (part-time waitress at one of the local bars), and would call me to let me know.
She never called. I ended up going to the concert alone, which was a pity because the seats were great, the music spectacular (a friend of mine was in the choir, even), and I had practically the entire row to myself.
I don't take kindly to being blown off; after the concert, I deleted Liz from my phone. Unfortunately, it wasn't so easy to delete her from my memory. Every so often I'd wonder what the hell happened to make her blow me off; she never struck me as the type when we worked together.
Early in June, I was shuffling through some papers and came across Liz's number on a post-it note. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to call her; I just had to know what happened. (She eventually told me that she'd been on-again-off-again seeing someone at that time, apparently in the off-again mode, but her "boyfriend" wasn't too happy with the idea of her going to a concert with another guy. So much for just going out as friends.)
We had a few phone conversations and finally got together for coffee in mid-July. Before we met up, I was inclined not to be too upset if things didn't work out; after I saw her in the coffee shop, I completely forgot all about what had happened. She was just too...for lack of a better word, hot.
Looking back on that evening, knowing what I know to do now, there are a lot of things I screwed up. I would do a lot differently if I had the evening to do over again (for one thing, no way would I go in a t-shirt and jeans no matter how hot and muggy the weather), but in spite of the disaster of that "date" we managed to maintain a bit of a friendship even if we didn't talk often. We eventually lost contact, at least for a little while.
Back in April (2006), Liz called me out of the blue after an apparently bad date. We talked quite a bit more often for about three months after that, to the point where I kept inviting her out to go dancing, but she never showed. Not once. I lost count of how many times she canceled on me (she said it wasn't personal; she just had an exceptionally demanding job--which was true, actually). By June, I made a point of asking when she'd actually be available. The last time she canceled, it was via text message around midnight the night before we were supposed to meet.
Liz and I haven't spoken since early July, and that was via voicemail. I've since deleted her from my phone again (though sadly I still remember her number; yeah, figure that out, I don't remember my best friends' numbers, people I talk to frequently), but for whatever reason I get the occasional reminder and unbidden thoughts pop into my head.
It's kinda bothersome. After all of the up and down between us from early April to the end of June, one would think I wouldn't think of her. I do wish that I'd met her now rather than two years ago, mainly because my outlook on life is so much better now than it was then (which I would like to think is more attractive). That said, I can't believe she'd be much different; why put myself in a situation to open myself up to getting hurt?
Actually, I think I might have already answered that. For one thing, she certainly is "unbelievably good-looking" by most standards (and I would be lying if I said I didn't like the idea of that kind of arm ornament); for another, she's extremely intelligent and astute (3.8-3.9 ugpa, 170-odd lsat score), which makes her even more attractive. And for another, I feel like I didn't present my best side and it's possible we could have made a decent couple (we certainly did manage to maintain a friendly relationship for most of two years of phone and email conversations). It would have been nice to have gotten a kiss from her at the very least.
Maybe enough time and distance will put her out of my thoughts for good. It's clear nothing is ever going to happen between us, and I'm inclined to move forward rather than stay stuck in the past. Here's hoping for one or more of the out-of-Minnesota applications to come back positive. Hopefully the thoughts of her won't follow.
(Edit: Ha! This entry only took a little over three hours to write...)
posted by Redacted in Camera at 10:45 PM
5 Comments:
I don't know why this reminds me so much of Y and I. I might be way off, but I would imagine Liz was trying to keep her options open so she keeps randomly popping up, but actually isn't into you and can't talk herself into giving you a chance so she keeps flaking. Although if she's two years older than you she is a little too old to be engaging in that kind of behavior (the time to not know what you want is in college, not at 28!).
Yeah, you probably shouldn't have done the jeans and t-shirt ;). If Y took better care of himself and put more effort into his appearance, I might have given him a chance way back in the day, but now my mind is already made up for all the other reasons that he's not a good choice for me.
That thought did come to mind, (that she was keeping her options open), though for a time it seemed like I might actually have a shot; the thing is, toward the end it sounded more like she was talking herself out of giving me a chance, but being pretty feeble about it. I think the fact that I wasn't established in my career of choice was a strong influence on her decision (last I heard, she had gotten back together with an ex of hers who is nine years older than she and has a lot of money).
Like I said, I wish we'd met now rather than then--my wardrobe is a bit better, and I know not to go out for any kind of friendly get-together unshaven (bit of a story, not going to get into it at the moment). Oh well. Other fish.
Into, out of, same thing. And of course it seemed like you had a shot; she was leading you on, even if she didn't see it that way and wasn't trying to be mean.
I feel really bad now that I did that to someone.
GOOD THING you've started shaving for friendly get-togethers!!! At least the experience has contributed to your impressing women education. ;)
Into and out of are very much different; if she can't talk herself into it, it means that there isn't enough attraction to hit the treshold. If she's talking herself out of it, it's because she's attracted but trying to find an excuse not to be (that isn't as shallow as, "you just don't make enough").
At least, that's what I like to think now, armchair psychologist that I often am. :-)
And it's not that I ordinarily go around unshaven (sometimes it happens, though not often), but I had an interview coming up and find that I get a closer shave if it's been a few days. Unfortunately, said interview was the day after Liz and I met for coffee. Had I thought that the "date" might have even a shred of a chance at leading anywhere (I still had the SPCO incident on my mind when we agreed to meet), I would have cleaned up a bit more before meeting her. Stupid humid, stormy July weather....
"Although if she's two years older than you she is a little too old to be engaging in that kind of behavior (the time to not know what you want is in college, not at 28!)."
HAHAHAHAHA. You are never too old to not know what you want.
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